Wednesday, February 17, 2010
7 Words You CAN Say Online
Thank you, George Carlin. Thank you, W. C. Fields.
Without those two gentleman of humor and hubris, we would not know just how right Newton Minow (FCC chairman at the time) was when he suggested television could be "a vast wasteland."
Carlin, of course, famously advised us of the 7 words you can't say on American television. Fields, many years earlier, laid out the blueprint for skirting the issue of those 7 never-to-be-spokens on TV. In fact, his two best-known euphemisms that he got past the censors (who were more Draconian in Fields' day than in Carlin's) head up my list of suggested alternatives that TV will probably allow onto its airwaves and cablewaves without a full body-cavity search. If not, there's always the Internet, where the censors are electronic and not very alert in spotting near-obscenities like the following ones.
That list goes something like this (no, it goes exactly like this):
"Godfrey Daniel!" -- Ah, yes, my little chickadee chaser.
"Shivering Shinola!" -- Mr. I'd-Rather-Be-In-Philadelphia strikes another blow for censor-abuse.
'Freakin'" -- And its stand-ins "friggin'," etc.
"WTF" -- One of those annoying texting acronyms that actually serves a censor-proof purpose.
"Thudpucker" -- A great multi-purpose euphemism, by way of "Doonesbury."
"Johnson" -- As in "His johnson was nothing to brag about (but he did, anyway)."
"Muzzer Fuzzer" -- My personal coinage, inspired no doubt by Snoop Dogg, and considerably more sonorous than "Mo Fo."
Obviously, when it comes to censorship avoidance, where there is a will, there is always a way around it, no matter that the Internet is vaster and more wasteful than even television.
Without those two gentleman of humor and hubris, we would not know just how right Newton Minow (FCC chairman at the time) was when he suggested television could be "a vast wasteland."
Carlin, of course, famously advised us of the 7 words you can't say on American television. Fields, many years earlier, laid out the blueprint for skirting the issue of those 7 never-to-be-spokens on TV. In fact, his two best-known euphemisms that he got past the censors (who were more Draconian in Fields' day than in Carlin's) head up my list of suggested alternatives that TV will probably allow onto its airwaves and cablewaves without a full body-cavity search. If not, there's always the Internet, where the censors are electronic and not very alert in spotting near-obscenities like the following ones.
That list goes something like this (no, it goes exactly like this):
"Godfrey Daniel!" -- Ah, yes, my little chickadee chaser.
"Shivering Shinola!" -- Mr. I'd-Rather-Be-In-Philadelphia strikes another blow for censor-abuse.
'Freakin'" -- And its stand-ins "friggin'," etc.
"WTF" -- One of those annoying texting acronyms that actually serves a censor-proof purpose.
"Thudpucker" -- A great multi-purpose euphemism, by way of "Doonesbury."
"Johnson" -- As in "His johnson was nothing to brag about (but he did, anyway)."
"Muzzer Fuzzer" -- My personal coinage, inspired no doubt by Snoop Dogg, and considerably more sonorous than "Mo Fo."
Obviously, when it comes to censorship avoidance, where there is a will, there is always a way around it, no matter that the Internet is vaster and more wasteful than even television.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Could Someone Please Explain To Me...
...Why Kevin Federline Is Still Famous?
(and, once you've done that, answer the same question about Sarah Palin.)
(and, once you've done that, answer the same question about Sarah Palin.)
