The Old Prof Thinks Out Loud

Indiana's Now On Marriage Saving Time: Remember To Set Your Clocks Back One Full Century.
-----
*And wait for the snickers that will be resounding from the rest of the 21st century.

(Sung To The Tune Of "Joe Hill")
"I Dreamed I Saw Pete Seeger Last Night
"Alive As You Or Me.
"Says I, 'But, Pete, You're Six Hours Dead.'
"I Never Died," Says He.
-----
*To be sung wistfully, and eternally.

Speaking Baby Talk To A Baby Is About As Pointless As Speaking Pig Latin To A Pig.
-----
*In either case, all it does is make the speaker look foolish and annoy the baby and the pig.

Butler University's Switch To The Big East Basketball Conference Is Starting To Look Like A Graphic Demonstration Of The Peter Principle.
-----
*So far, the Bulldogs seem to have promoted themselves to their own level of inadequacy. (But time will ultimately tell.)
 

Mother Superior Scolded The Convent's Newest Nun, "Your Attire Today Is Just Not Appropriate, Sister Kerri, But I Will Overlook It This Time. Just Don't Make A Habit Of It."
-----
*Mother Superior made it quite clear, however, that she expected something more convent-ional in the future.
 

Give A Man A Fish, And He'll Eat For A Day.
Teach A Man To Fish, And His Wife Will Never Forgive You For It.
-----
*Just one more excuse for him to hang out with his buddies instead of cleaning up the garage.

 

I Felt A Lot Better About Roswell, New Mexico, When It Was Just The Subject Of Myths About Space Aliens.
-----
*Although one somewhat comforting thing that came out of the school shootings there this week was the fact that a bad guy with a gun was stopped by a good guy without a gun.
 

To Paraphrase John Stuart Mill, People Who Watch Fox News Are Not Necessarily Stupid, But Most Stupid People Watch Fox News.
-----
*What the renowned British economist originally said: "Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservative." Close enough, Mr. Mill.

Some People Need To Be Fitted With Closed Captions.
-----
*Mainly those who mumble every word or have very thick accents.

The One Positive Thing To Come Out Of The "Bridgegate" Scandal In New Jersey Is The Possibility That All That Dancing Around The Questions Could Do Wonders For Chris Christie's Waistline.
-----
*It certainly has burned up a lot of calories for the rotund New Jersey governor to two-step his way around Harry Truman's truism about where the buck stops.

The Three Items With The Longest Shelf Life Are Twinkies, Velveeta, And Malicious Gossip.
-----
*And, unlike the first two, the third item doesn't bear an expiration date.

One thing the National Football League will never be accused of is applying logic to its alignment of teams among its various conferences and divisions. Dallas in the NFC East? Seriously? Indianapolis in the AFC South? Really? I mean, really, seriously?
The time has come, at least to this observer, for the NFL to straighten up its act, geographically at least (getting the overtime system right is another work in progress). It would be a relatively simple matter to realign the NFL's team to make more sense and save a great many air miles.
So, here we go, NFL, listen up; you're about to get a tutorial in Logic, pro football-style:
Logic would dictate -- trust me on this, NFL -- that Dallas, which is nowhere near the other three teams in their current division, be moved over to the NFC South. Then Carolina could be shifted into the NFC East to replace the Cowboys. Mucho air miles and expenses saved.
Next, switch Arizona and St. Louis out of the NFC West to the AFC West, moving Oakland and San Diego into the NFC West, with San Francisco and Seattle. What Californians wouldn't want to see their three teams play each other twice a season? Logic, friends.
Now, in the AFC, take Indianapolis out of the South and put them in the AFC North, where they belong. To make room for the Colts, switch Baltimore to the AFC East, again a geographically logical move. Then take Miami from the East and plant it with intrastate rival Jacksonville in the AFC South, along with Houston and Tennessee.
Finally, pull Houston out of the AFC South and plug it into the NFC South (with Dallas), replacing Tampa Bay, which would then take its spot in the AFC South (with Miami and Jacksonville). There are several fierce intrastate rivalries just waiting to happen.
For the NFC North, with its age-old rivalries among Chicago, Detroit, Green Bay, Minnesota, Logic (and Geography) dictates that you leave them right where they are, so, relax, all you Bears, Lions, Packers, and Vikings fans.
So, you end up with this new, exceedingly logical re-alignment:
NFC East -- Carolina, N.Y. Giants, Philadelphia, Washington
NFC North -- Chicago, Detroit, Green Bay, Minnesota
NFC South -- Atlanta, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans
NFC West -- Oakland, San Diego, San Francisco, Seattle
AFC East -- Baltimore, Buffalo, New England, N.Y. Jets
AFC North -- Cincinnati, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh
AFC South -- Jacksonville, Miami, Tampa Bay, Tennessee
AFC West -- Arizona, Denver, Kansas City, St. Louis
So, NFL, there you have a logical master plan for realignment of your divisions and conferences. Do I expect you to see the logic, or the economy? Based on some of your past decisions, probably not, but at least you can't say it wasn't offered to you. For free, even.

One Thing You Can Say For Sure Is That Col. Sanders Was Definitely A Leg Man.
-----
*Of course, he had a pretty good eye for breasts and thighs as well.