Thursday, March 08, 2007
Black Like Hillary Clinton?
Let me see if I have this right. Barack Obama isn't "black enough" for a large portion of American blacks, but Hillary Clinton is?
On the other hand, Hillary Clinton is "female enough" for female Democrats, despite her infamous "Stand By Your Cheatin' Bubba" performance some years back? I have to admit I am dazed and confused by the early "returns" on the 2008 presidential race.
It is more than a year until the first primaries, but the candidates -- Democrat and Republican, declared and undeclared -- are staking out their claims on the various special-interest groups that consistitute the American electorate. And, as indicated above, some of those stakes are going where you least expect them.
I think I have a good excuse for being bewildered, and undecided, at this stage of the political game. As best that I can figure it, here is how the "claims" are shaping up (and, if you can explain the most bewildering ones of them to me, I'd be very appreciative):
Blacks: Hillary Clinton
Women: Barack Obama (they smile in Hillary's direction, but you know they'll vote for the good-looking young guy with tons of charisma and none of Ms. Clinton's political baggage -- like being unelectable, even among women, especially those red-state Stepford wives who think, as Mort Sahl once satirically observed, a woman's place is in the stove)
Veterans: John McCain
Homeland securityists: Rudy Giuliani
Border secruityists: Tom Tancredo
Hispanics: Bill Richardson (or is he not "Hispanic enough"?)
Moderate Republicans: Mitt Romney (or is he "too Mormon"?)
Immoderate Republicans: Sam Brownback (or is he "too bat-crap crazy"?)
Moderately immoderate Republicans: Chuck Hagel
Environmentalists: Al Gore (even if they can't accept the inconvenient truth that he isn't going to run and doesn't have a chance even if he does, regardless of what Rolling Stone says)
Immoderate Democrats: Dennis Kucinich (who won them over with his rendition of "Sixteen Tons" on Martin Luther King Day)
Foot-In-Mouth Democrats: Joe Biden (turns out he was better off plagiarizing his speeches)
Law and Orderists: Fred Dalton Thompson
Newt Gingrich: Newt Gingrich (only one man, only one vote)
Undecided (which would include the Old Prof): John Edwards is looking better and better all the time (just as he did in '04). Those four hundred dollar haircuts must be working.
On the other hand, Hillary Clinton is "female enough" for female Democrats, despite her infamous "Stand By Your Cheatin' Bubba" performance some years back? I have to admit I am dazed and confused by the early "returns" on the 2008 presidential race.
It is more than a year until the first primaries, but the candidates -- Democrat and Republican, declared and undeclared -- are staking out their claims on the various special-interest groups that consistitute the American electorate. And, as indicated above, some of those stakes are going where you least expect them.
I think I have a good excuse for being bewildered, and undecided, at this stage of the political game. As best that I can figure it, here is how the "claims" are shaping up (and, if you can explain the most bewildering ones of them to me, I'd be very appreciative):
Blacks: Hillary Clinton
Women: Barack Obama (they smile in Hillary's direction, but you know they'll vote for the good-looking young guy with tons of charisma and none of Ms. Clinton's political baggage -- like being unelectable, even among women, especially those red-state Stepford wives who think, as Mort Sahl once satirically observed, a woman's place is in the stove)
Veterans: John McCain
Homeland securityists: Rudy Giuliani
Border secruityists: Tom Tancredo
Hispanics: Bill Richardson (or is he not "Hispanic enough"?)
Moderate Republicans: Mitt Romney (or is he "too Mormon"?)
Immoderate Republicans: Sam Brownback (or is he "too bat-crap crazy"?)
Moderately immoderate Republicans: Chuck Hagel
Environmentalists: Al Gore (even if they can't accept the inconvenient truth that he isn't going to run and doesn't have a chance even if he does, regardless of what Rolling Stone says)
Immoderate Democrats: Dennis Kucinich (who won them over with his rendition of "Sixteen Tons" on Martin Luther King Day)
Foot-In-Mouth Democrats: Joe Biden (turns out he was better off plagiarizing his speeches)
Law and Orderists: Fred Dalton Thompson
Newt Gingrich: Newt Gingrich (only one man, only one vote)
Undecided (which would include the Old Prof): John Edwards is looking better and better all the time (just as he did in '04). Those four hundred dollar haircuts must be working.
